The following is part of a series of articles.
It is a satire.
The idea behind this series is simple: What if Jesus and his "blessed" statements - his Beatitudes - were being "collaborated" on by a modern Christian Public Relations Consultant?
Enjoy.

<<< (back) INTRODUCTION

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to them.”

Alright, Jesus. Let me just sort of pinpoint you here. Where you’re saying “the poor in spirit”, I’m going to have to suggest right off the bat that we just go… kind of… completely in the opposite direction with this one. I mean - let’s be real - spiritual poverty is just… awkward. And you’re not exactly inspiring a lot of confidence if you say the kingdom belongs to these people. Look around you! The really successful ministries are based around an entirely different sort of people! They are confident pretty much always! And if you want an institution of religiosity that will stand the test of time, you really want to look to them for direction, don’t you?

We Christians have it down to a science! Our CEO-pastors have all the answers, and they are pretty good at simplifying everything - from theology, to politics, to whatever else... So long as it motivates people to be more sure of themselves and less open to truth from any source they aren't already comfortable with, we've done our job. We can't have honest dialog because it shatters the control we've worked so hard to maintain over the people. And we can’t be celebrating those who are open with their doubts and faults, because that makes it seem like that sort of thing is okay. (I know you would never suggest something like that.) I'd point you again to the titans of our Christian culture, Jesus! If these confident, strapping men are not who the kingdom belongs to, then what hope would any of the droves bowing at their feet have? What I’m saying is, if anything, we need more people beating their chests and dominating the megaphone, not less! Spiritual power is as good as gold in spiritual richness. And pride has proven to be quite effective.

Now I've been looking over your gospels, buddy, and there's some cute stuff there for sure. Great work, really... But I'm also a bit concerned as someone who's been hired to help you frame this message. Believe me, I'm here for you, Jesus, but sometimes - I don't know where to start! I see you being asked 183 questions, and yet you only directly answer THREE of them? I mean, that right there is the start of your problem. And what you need to help with that problem is more reliance on reductive formula. Trust me, it works. It always works.

To put it another way, poverty of spirit requires real and patient courage... And we've found that fear makes a better fuel for a quicker fix. Just get them being fearfully, unquestioningly, defiantly dogmatic and sure of themselves... and you've got yourself a real church going!

What the people crave is for the American Dream to be synonymous with GOD'S dream! They want the great stories of overcomers who became financially successful and bought more toys because of their faith. They want to hear about real heroes! We've spent centuries instilling in them the idea that doubt is the opposite of faith, so for you to come along and tell them the opposite of faith is actually certainty... See, we've just worked too long and hard to let you change that definition. We have so much invested in it!

So, instead of what you said, I’m going to suggest this:

#BLESSED are the RICH in spirit (and the rich in everything else for that matter)! It is the confident, and charismatic who have the market cornered on the kingdom! And whatever it is that can be attained on this earth and seems valuable... It probably is. In fact, that stuff is what we’re going to refer to as “blessings” most of the time from now on, with the understanding that this is where we see God's favor and fortune with us… I know, I know - that’s what we were doing already before you made this statement, but see, well, we kinda liked it that way.

That wasn’t so bad, now, was it? Looking forward to collaborating some more tomorrow!

CONTINUE TO 2) THOSE WHO MOURN >>>

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John Cooper, and "What is Happening in Christianity"

Despite criticizing the motivations of others, John Cooper is the only one who stands to benefit from the things he’s communicating to the same target audience.

THE STORY OF "THE WOMAN AT THE WELL" NO ONE EVER TOLD YOU...

...Where could one such as her ever worship? She wants to know. Truly. Jesus is the only learned Jew she has ever felt safe to ask. And in response, Jesus treats her like a serious and worthy theologian. As he honors her capacity for understanding, he elevates her and all women along with her. He drops the most significant teaching on worship in all of scripture on her alone, there at the well. The entire, sweeping theme of the New Testament and covenant, and the implications of everything else he does and says, he lays out plainly for her. He doesn't shroud it in parable. He can see she's ready for the fullness of light to shine. He tells her that worship is ultimately without ritual or rite. That it is found in spirit and truth at the very core of a person. That, whether in Jerusalem or at Gerizim, such temples are already obsolete. This means that people are the very temple of God. And this suggests to her she has as much access to God as some self-important high priest who loathes her. And she always has.

WE ARE NOT WAITING ON REVIVAL. REVIVAL IS WAITING ON US.

People have been pleading with the ceiling for revival for decades. For as long as we've had this American culture of Christianity, they've been attempting to stoke this fire and make something happen. Something lasting and real. They've sung and prayed and wept for it. Hundreds and thousands and millions of them – at altars and in tents and stadiums, in conferences and crusades and every other kind of service imaginable, they've been crying out for revival. And it has never been enough. But they keep telling us to try again, try harder, pray more. And maybe this time our withholding God will answer. Maybe. (Judging by the past, though, probably not.)

Of Course You're "Worthy"

You hear a lot in Christian circles about how "unworthy" we are. You hear a lot of it in Christian music, too. And this idea of our unworthiness is one that's meant to champion God's goodness and grace... But it's misleading. It's misleading because, while God's love and goodness may not be something we have to earn or deserve, that doesn't mean we aren't "worthy" of it. Here's something important that we often forget when it comes to "worthiness": the one giving the gift is the one who decides whether the one receiving it is worthy.

One Wish: Solomon, David & Desire

The desire of David reflected in some beautiful things and progressed the discussion for the whole world. Where his son desired wisdom above all else and wrote proverbs, David desired to sense the nearness of God... and he wrote songs. A whole lot of them. It could be reasoned that David saw himself as an ambassador joined with the move of God, while Solomon saw himself as a diplomat working for God. These two ideas persist to this day. Many still beg God for wisdom and seem to labor as though they were going it alone, while many others simply live with God and focus on declaring God's faithfulness to sustain and beautify all things. Many see God in the compartments, and focus on making big shows and displays of faith and piety for God... But many others see God with them always and everywhere - even down in the muck, when they're at rock bottom and have nothing to give.

things i learned while sleeping

My subconscious mind was narrating something I already understood to be true. Over and over, it was weaving an image of what I needed to come to grips with in myself. The smallness of the System I had known to address the bigness of the world. The smallness of God as I had known God... The dream was an invitation to something bigger. It was a declaration of the position I was learning to take outside the world as I had known it. It was a manifestation of my growing heart to be accounted with outsiders and those on the margins. Mine was a nightmare which helped point me toward greater light and greater truth. And it didn't leave me alone until I was truly ready to wake up.