The following is part of a series of articles.
It is a satire.
The idea behind this series is simple: What if Jesus and his "blessed" statements - his Beatitudes - were being "collaborated" on by a modern Christian Public Relations Consultant?
Enjoy.

<<< (back) THE POOR IN SPIRIT

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

Let me put you at ease with this one, Jesus. You'll be glad to know that we don't need to go in an entirely different direction the way we did last time. I think this one is salvageable! We just have to place enough conditions and contingencies on it to... tame it a bit. The reason, of course, is that I want to ensure people don't abuse what you're saying and take it too far. I love your idealism - I really do - I'm just here to run interference for you, buddy! Part of my job is to let you know, there are a lot of people out there who, it seems, just want to mourn. It's to the point where they tend to get in the way of ministry with their mourniness. So it's not your statement that scares me, but the application of it.

We definitely want to keep our services safe from these sorts of people. Whether those who have gone through something terrible and just aren't getting over it as quickly as we'd like them too, or those who are simply sad too often, or even just the generally melancholy (maybe they have a hard time normalizing themselves to the tragedies and evils of this world, I don't know, whatever the case may be) - they can't take precedence over the more important stuff we're doing in spiritual community. We have programs to run! And programs are hard to run when they're being disrupted.

So this mourning-being-met-with-comfort-thing... It's okay to an extent, but we can’t get too carried away. It can't disrupt the general flow of our services. It can't get in the way of the kind of musical and sermonizing environment we're shooting for. If we have too much of that, it will upset the show. That's why I'm thinking we probably just need some fine print to what you're saying here. Some stern qualifications to constantly remind people of. That way, when tragedy strikes them, they will feel guilty if they make too much of a scene with their grief and anguish. A little religious anxiety never hurt anyone, and hey, a lot of these people are struggling with anxiety already! At least it's familiar territory for them.

Let’s face it: there are many people who simply refuse to "pray through it" or "count it all joy." I mean, seriously, "clinical depression?" Sounds more like a spiritual warfare problem, am I right?

What we can do to work with your statement here is use other scriptures and religious clichés to diminish what you're saying. We can over-qualify it and water it down to the point where it doesn't have anything too bold or dangerous to say. (This is a particularly effective tool with people who already submit everything you have to say to the rest of scripture, rather than using you as the lens through which they view all the other things. So believe me - they are primed and ready to be fine with what I'm talking about.)

Ultimately, we want Evangelical Christianity to carry the distinct culture of a people who feel like they've done something wrong if they get too "mourny" (or are mourny for too long).

If they can't "give it to God" in a reasonable amount of time, maybe they should isolate themselves from the group so they're not too much of a distraction. We want people who see themselves as "blessed" when they come through the sadness of their trials and tribulations... Not so much when they're in the midst of them. If they sense the presence and favor and solidarity of God from inside their hurt and pain, that might encourage them to stay in mourning as long as it takes to process their grief and loss! And you never know how long that might be.

So let’s take what you said and make it a bit safer, like this:

#BLESSED are those who mourn -- a bit, within reason -- who can totally be comforted -- for a time... but who are careful not to mourn like “those who have no hope,” because we expect them to show us their “peace that surpasses understanding” pretty quickly no matter what horrific and devastating thing happens to them. True pain and loss make us uncomfortable, and we can’t have too much of that, or church just gets too awkward.

And, that said, I'm glad to have collaborated again on one of these! I can't wait to tackle the next one tomorrow! They're turning out great, aren't they? It's so great to make your name famous, Jesus! It's all about you, and your glory...

CONTINUE TO 3) THE MEEK >>>

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John Cooper, and "What is Happening in Christianity"

Despite criticizing the motivations of others, John Cooper is the only one who stands to benefit from the things he’s communicating to the same target audience.

THE STORY OF "THE WOMAN AT THE WELL" NO ONE EVER TOLD YOU...

...Where could one such as her ever worship? She wants to know. Truly. Jesus is the only learned Jew she has ever felt safe to ask. And in response, Jesus treats her like a serious and worthy theologian. As he honors her capacity for understanding, he elevates her and all women along with her. He drops the most significant teaching on worship in all of scripture on her alone, there at the well. The entire, sweeping theme of the New Testament and covenant, and the implications of everything else he does and says, he lays out plainly for her. He doesn't shroud it in parable. He can see she's ready for the fullness of light to shine. He tells her that worship is ultimately without ritual or rite. That it is found in spirit and truth at the very core of a person. That, whether in Jerusalem or at Gerizim, such temples are already obsolete. This means that people are the very temple of God. And this suggests to her she has as much access to God as some self-important high priest who loathes her. And she always has.

WE ARE NOT WAITING ON REVIVAL. REVIVAL IS WAITING ON US.

People have been pleading with the ceiling for revival for decades. For as long as we've had this American culture of Christianity, they've been attempting to stoke this fire and make something happen. Something lasting and real. They've sung and prayed and wept for it. Hundreds and thousands and millions of them – at altars and in tents and stadiums, in conferences and crusades and every other kind of service imaginable, they've been crying out for revival. And it has never been enough. But they keep telling us to try again, try harder, pray more. And maybe this time our withholding God will answer. Maybe. (Judging by the past, though, probably not.)

Of Course You're "Worthy"

You hear a lot in Christian circles about how "unworthy" we are. You hear a lot of it in Christian music, too. And this idea of our unworthiness is one that's meant to champion God's goodness and grace... But it's misleading. It's misleading because, while God's love and goodness may not be something we have to earn or deserve, that doesn't mean we aren't "worthy" of it. Here's something important that we often forget when it comes to "worthiness": the one giving the gift is the one who decides whether the one receiving it is worthy.

One Wish: Solomon, David & Desire

The desire of David reflected in some beautiful things and progressed the discussion for the whole world. Where his son desired wisdom above all else and wrote proverbs, David desired to sense the nearness of God... and he wrote songs. A whole lot of them. It could be reasoned that David saw himself as an ambassador joined with the move of God, while Solomon saw himself as a diplomat working for God. These two ideas persist to this day. Many still beg God for wisdom and seem to labor as though they were going it alone, while many others simply live with God and focus on declaring God's faithfulness to sustain and beautify all things. Many see God in the compartments, and focus on making big shows and displays of faith and piety for God... But many others see God with them always and everywhere - even down in the muck, when they're at rock bottom and have nothing to give.

things i learned while sleeping

My subconscious mind was narrating something I already understood to be true. Over and over, it was weaving an image of what I needed to come to grips with in myself. The smallness of the System I had known to address the bigness of the world. The smallness of God as I had known God... The dream was an invitation to something bigger. It was a declaration of the position I was learning to take outside the world as I had known it. It was a manifestation of my growing heart to be accounted with outsiders and those on the margins. Mine was a nightmare which helped point me toward greater light and greater truth. And it didn't leave me alone until I was truly ready to wake up.